education-not-conformity

An idea occurred to me in August 2025, but to understand my point, I need to give you some prologue and a little bit* of my own history. Otherwise, the idea I will go on to share will seem like the ravings of a deranged loon. They may still be that, but at least you will have the context.

*OK, it’s not a “little bit”, it’s… a lot, it’s 2000+ words, but HANG ON. Don’t go… believe me, it’ll be worth it, promise. Or leave a comment on our podcast telling me why I am wrong!

I’ve been “odd” my entire life. What do I mean by “odd”? Out of step, not marching to the same tune as others. Space cadet one minute, expert troubleshooter the next. Described as a “left-field thinker” or “eccentric“, I’ll certainly be the most memorable conversation you have today. There are the suits. Yes, I do wear them. Yes. To business meetings. Yes. I do that.

There are the suits. Yes, I do wear them. Yes. To business meetings. Yes. I do that.

And that gives one a certain perspective on life and specifically business, and I have often struggled to understand how other people think. Why do they seem incapable of seeing the logic in the ideas I present? Sure, it may go against 99% of the rest of the world, but at least you tried something different and learned something new!

I play a lot of “what if” in my mind, and I can iterate quickly. “What if we did X instead of Y?“
“But Stuart, EVERYONE DOES Y, because... [Insert wide generalisation or assumption here].”

Often, “normal” people laugh at my ideas and tell me what I am doing has no chance of succeeding—right at the time I am succeeding at doing it. I don’t take unsolicited advice well and choose who I pay for advice VERY carefully. You’d be right to be skeptical of someone who says all this.

“Too full of himself by half, that one!” Not the first time I have heard that sentiment expressed. Yes, I am TOO MUCH… hmmm… we should do an episode about that sentiment…

But, being out of step and doing my own thing has worked VERY well for me, both personally and professionally. I have lived a very lucky life. I take none of it for granted. I understand the privileges I have had due to socio-economic factors (mostly out of my control) but have never really shied away from taking a risk. That’s what life in business is about, managing risk versus reward.

The Backstory to the Prologue

I notified HMRC and became officially “self-employed” for the first time in 1992. I’d purchased an old Transit van from a very good mate. It had a sliding driver’s door, which was fantastic. I think it was an ex-Post Office vehicle, but it was baby blue, so perhaps it was repainted? I kitted it out with a bench, vice and all my tools, and with that this mechanic was mobile. I even got me one of those newly available mobile phones, and still have the same number today!

Over the years, I have evolved what I do; teaching myself to design on Mac and PC, being my own IT department, managing print work and design projects that evolved into web development. I’ve also designed products, posters, gadgets, and novelty gizmos for sale in high streets around the world. I’ve delivered a waste and recycling project for a borough council and performed as an impersonator, lookalike, stand-up, and MC in some of the most well-known venues across the UK and beyond. Co-produced plays and other creative projects including starring as recurring character ‘Crazy Neil‘ in the computer game ‘Not For Broadcast’ by Tiny House Games.

Since that first leap of faith, I’ve never really looked back, apart from a brief stint at an engineering company that almost broke me. But I’ve been gainfully self-employed for over 32 years of my adult life. Raising a family, putting food on our table, and a roof over our heads as the sole income. We tried more conventional schooling, but after a couple of years made the decision to home educate our kids, we saw too much damage being inflicted on their peer group in schools across the country. There’s something sad about seeing a free-range child being shoehorned into a uniform and being sent into a soul-crushing, energy-sapping system that may work for the majority, but it doesn’t work for all.

Home educating our kids was instinctual, an reflex reaction to what I experienced at school: the hate, bullying, ostracising, othering, and mind games. School left me brutalised and raw, hurting in a way I didn’t know how to fix and I didn’t want that to be how they started out in life.

At 16 I left school and adulthood arrived, and of course with it, a job. However, it was more of the same “odd-one-out” in the workplace, ten years in engineering, and I was clinging to a mental precipice. Afraid to do anything different, editing myself, curating my outward facade, all the while moving through a molasses of what I now know is unprocessed trauma. Frozen, unable to move, frightened I’d fail. Then I’d fall… 

I fell anyway.

Eventually, inevitably, something gave way, and I collapsed; literally, figuratively, spiritually. My entire being had cratered, collapsing inward, left exhausted in a way I had never experienced before. My brain refused to co-operate. Functioning and getting out of bed was not possible. I hit rock bottom and just lay there. The effort of will required to stand up was just too overwhelming on some days. How do I make my way in the world when I feel like I am at odds with it? An alien on this planet, I tried to leave, I thought of it as being sent for… I had no reason, no purpose. I was alone on an entire planet of six billion people.

The spiritual rift was not repaired quickly, and the scar tissue still tugs at you from time to time. The jagged, raw, and cutting thoughts tear through you like a scalpel into bare flesh. The irony is it’s wielded by someone who knows exactly where all the soft and fleshy parts are. Exactly which rocks to kick over, which door to fling wide and force you to confront your own existential dilemmas. Not great when you’re simply trying to post a letter. All of this, all of the time. Throw in insomnia, and now we’ve got a party.

Quite literally, because distracting yourself with booze, bongs, and babes helps distract you from the pain. Like anaesthesia for the soul. It numbs, but it also cauterises, cutting off vital bits of your personality. Unable to confront the truth and reality of it all, you dodge from one friend group to another. Masked up and mugging along to whatever in-crowd joke de-jour was popular (even if it went over your head). Avoiding actually making too many connections, being friendly but not too personable, not actually letting people in. Fearful they may see just how broken you are, that you’re a human reject, incapable of being “normal.” Just not how the wiring in your head works.

As my dad used to say, when he said something figuratively and I took it literally: “Don’t be stupid, son!“

But Dad, what if “stupid” is all you’ve got?

Now, replace “stupid” with “different”, and that’s what the neurodiverse deals with every day. The entirety of the planet set up against your skill-set, and you’re asked to just get on with it and stop complaining. Usually with some blithe comment like “You don’t look autistic“… Or the passively offensive “Why does everyone need a label these days?” and finally the one that will get you drop-kicked into the next galaxy: “We’re all on the spectrum.” NO. NO, WE ARE FUCKING NOT. Do not expect anything good to come out of these interactions.

Build Back Odder

Therapy and Prozac helped, but mostly doing nothing helped. I started to take things slower, make healthier choices; one day, one meal, one hour at a time. Progress was glacial, and at first, I crawled. Then I bum-shuffled and finally staggered to my feet, some days even managing to get dressed and go outside. I might even speak to another human! Ooof, steady, not too much too soon.

By this point, having a day-to-day job was just not functionally possible. The mobile mechanic business became burdensome, cars became a little more complex and investment in proprietary diagnostic tools meant an outlay I was not willing to make. So I sought employment and reluctantly found a local engineering job. This was the last job I ever had, and the straw that broke me, it stripped all the joy out of my love for engineering and life. I hated it. Engineering was not my first choice anyway, for I was destined to be an ACTOR! And that was it. Eventually I closed my toolbox and swore an oath that I HAD to step away from the tools. No half measures. I wouldn’t turn a wrench, fix a car, or get grease under my nails for 15+ years.

The break I needed was not the one I expected, but I would take anything at this point. The commision only sales “job” seemed a huge leap of faith: we got paid if we made sales and fired if we didn’t. I lived alone in a small flat, and my overheads were minimal so I leapt. It helped focus my day, plus they paid expenses for travelling around the country, standing in PC World and computer shops selling “The Internet” from the UK’s first ISP, NetcomUK.

That sales job taught me more about business in eight months than doing a full Oxbridge degree in sales. Leanring customer motivation, chatting to the public, and actually getting good at face to face selling. This “job” was very flexible, and as long as I gave them a week’s notice, my diary was my own, and I got to choose what days and hours I worked. It was perfect, it gave me a lot of time to (not) find acting work.

That’s when my love of computers ramped up, and taking a chance with a product, a story for another time. But this early start showed me that the thing I prized over anything was being in control of where and when I worked and what time I could give to a “job”. Budgeting became my thing; each meal was a consideration. Shopping late to bag mark-downs, coupons and 2 for 1s became a fun reason to go buy food.

Fast forward 32 years…

And finally, to my point… The BIG IDEA…

I’ve just been officially diagnosed as Autistic. After the best part of two years on the deepest of deep dives into Autism Spectrum Disorder, ASD, I’m comfortable with that diagnosis. That diagnosis makes sense and validates my entire life. I was not broken. I was not “one of one” I had people who were like me, who had similar experiences and could understand the challenges and everyday experiences.

Most of this I have learned through having a family too, seeing what my children needed and finiding it very similar to what works for me. Having a partner who genuinely cares for me and wants good outcomes and accomodates without judgement. She’s got her own tale to tell, one day I’m sure…

I am epically lucky. We live a decent life, not too flamboyant, definitely comfortable, and are both blessed with decent health and happy kids. The roll of the dice, the big “swing for the fences” decision I made to go it alone, worked out… mostly. Not all rolls of the dice went our way, but we won more than we lost.

Not all rolls of the dice went our way, but we won more than we lost.

So, the goddamn point, STUART?!

Yes, my point, thank you. Self-employment is a very viable choice for anyone who is neurodivergent. In fact, I believe that NDs are disproportionately represented in the business owner community. I know a LOT of business owners, and while not ALL will be ND, I can see traits in most of them, the ones out of step with the working world, who dare to be different and just do it!

The flexibility and choice in how you manage your workload, being able to manage your energy and plan around your own personal quirks and preferences, it’s the ultimate luxury. I wake early and enjoy the day before most people are out of bed. I can also be done with my tasks by midday. No hanging about looking very busy but wasting my life. I can be ACTUALLY busy focusing on my special interest or personal project of the moment. Helping my community, ensuring my businesses and employees thrive in a positive town, full of opportunities.

A lot of the work I do is actually using my skills and specialism learned as an engineer, applying the troubleshooting and problem-solving to a business context. (Don’t ask for a specific job title, listen to the podcast and figure it out! It’s complicated.)

I believe self-employment, if managed correctly and for the right person, is a better choice than working in an office, with all the associated travelling, small talk, harsh lighting, and sensory overload. My original “fall from grace” took me to my knees for about two years. It was complete burnout. Shutdown and reboot.

You don’t have to wait for that level of lifestyle disruption, but if you are ND and masking hard to get through 5 days, with 2 days of recovery before ploughing into it all yet again. There will be a reckoning for that at some point. As you age your energy reduces and Father Time rams a crowbar into the cracks and open up those fissures, wider than you can now jump across.

So how do you prevent this?

If I was doing it all again now? I would do it like this. Build yourself a little “war chest”, 6-8 months of living expenses. Start a side-hustle, maybe take on overtime or additional duties, or find some WFH part-time work, don’t burnout, it’s a marathon not a sprint. At the same time, get the household monthly bills down to the lowest you can, think surivial levels, monk mode V2.0.

Then figure out what it is you want to do, or thing you can offer and be rewarded financially for. Could be a service, focused on special interest, or monetise a hobby. Whatever it is be comfortable with the time you will need to devote to it. My preferred working week is 4 on business tasks, 3 ‘resting’, which could be hard landscaping the garden or feet up watching a film. It depends on the energy or ‘spoons’ I have available to give at the time. 

Make it your purpose, the thing you do not mind getting up and doing. Base it on things you love doing. Then simply amplify your circle of influence. On and offline, once you have a great reputation locally the work will trickle in. Build this by going networking and make a wide range of contacts, share your passion. Offer more value than you ask for and be kind.

I can 100% recommend self-employment. “Your mileage may vary” but with the Business Oddcast, I can, at last, share some of the inner journey because I now have language, context, and lived experience. My official diagnosis is not for me, it’s for the rest of the world. I know who I am amd what I am capable of, I’ve spent over 50yrs working that out.

I’m hoping the Business Oddcast helps you, let us know if there’s any specific topics you want Hannah and I to cover, and join in with the conversation. We LOVE to hear diverse viewpoints, it helps us grow as humans, your voice matters, you matter.

If you suspect you may have some traits and I’ve raised a few thoughts in your own mind don’t leave looking into all this too late. I can attest that some of the damage is irreversible and the longer you leave it, the worse it gets and the harder it is to recover. It’s taken me a lot of time, and a long road to recovery and reconcilliation with myself, butas I write this I can say I am happy with my life and love solving problems. 

Hi, I’m Stu. How can I help YOU today? Perhaps listening to our Business Oddcast Podcast might be a good place for you to start?