In the pre-smart device 90s, the acronym P.D.A. stood for “Personal Digital Assistant”, a small “pocket” device, the size of a phone book (remember them!), that you took everywhere. It kept contacts, calendars and notes, and with the flick of several buttons you could keep track of your schedule. Think of it as a Filofax with batteries. What’s a Filofax? Google is your friend, my friend.
FFW >>> to now, and P.D.A. and in the 21st Century it stands for something completely different. Pathological Demand Avoidance, aka PDA, is the very real phenomenon where the more you are expected to do something, the less likely you are to do it. Not to be confused with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD), PDA is more an internal resistance to your own thoughts and requirements. ODD is more a “no to The Man” type of defiance, whereas PDA is more a “no to this specific man, specifically today, and specifically on this specific thing he wants me to do.”Less “Fuck the Man!”, more “Fuck Yourself!”, and it can cause quite a lot of issues.
Here’s what WikiChatAIgpt said about the trait: “PDA is usually a trait associated with autism in which an individual experiences extreme anxiety-driven resistance to everyday demands and expectations. Rather than simply being oppositional, people with PDA may feel intense internal pressure and loss of control when faced with requests, even routine tasks like getting dressed or answering a question. This can lead to avoidance strategies such as distraction, negotiation, withdrawal, or emotional outbursts.”
Wait… Look… What’s that over there? ::Stuart runs in opposite direction shouting…”
“I’ll do it soon, you can’t force me. What? No, YOU’RE AVOIDING IT… SHUT UP!”
Ah, but Stuart… that’s just procrastination dressed up in fancy clothes and out for a stroll, isn’t it? No, not at all. Let me give you a very real-world scenario.
Procrastination mostly focuses on ignoring the looming deadline for something (usually less than desirable) and finding a million other things to do in the day, mostly fun stuff.
PDA is more like two identical poles of different magnets being pushed together; the closer they get, the harder you push, the more resistance you feel, the closer they get the harder it gets. This can even be for something you WANT to do.
Like writing this blog. I love writing. I like writing about ND and the Business Oddcast gives me an outlet. I enjoy creative writing and always have, especially when I get to write fun stuff that gets a positive reaction (mostly!). Nob! See!!
PDA is not procrastination, it’s the Olympic World Global Championship Finals of avoiding the very thing you WANT to do. It’s often why I find myself sitting on the edge of my chair, bursting for a pee, still in my PJs, at lunchtime. My brain refuses to process the demands of the day. I know the steps to get dressed, I could go get changed inside 5 mins, but the idea drowns in an overwhelming wave of resistance.
It starts with a perfectly reasonable “I’ll do it in ten minutes.” Of course it’s never ten minutes… Then ADHD kicks in and SQUIRREL! Whatever shiny object happens to dazzle and distract takes over. An hour later, I realise I’m still not dressed. ARSE CANDLES!
Then I start to think of the weight and abrasive nature of my “day clothes,” all those seams, labels and folds that ride up… “Let’s avoid that,” whispers my PDA. Your brain recoils from the idea of scratchy clothes… another hour passes. FUCK-A-DOODLE-DON’T!
Bladder chimes in with an “ahem, perhaps…” PDA swiftly interjects, tyres screeches it arrives on the scene “NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG… STOP IT! PEEING NOW IS A WASTE OF TIME!! YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR FACEBOOK NOTIFICATIONS!” And off you dive to see what lovely comments you’ve received on your socials. Then you spot that someone is wrong on the Internet, which requires your intervention. THIS IS MY SPECIALIST SUBJECT.. THEY’RE AN IDIOT… SCHOOL. IS. IN!
You come too, and suddenly realise your bladder may actually burst, and upon standing, the cosmic magnitude of how much you really need to go becomes clear. You then shuffle to the loo ASAP and return to your chair after the flood waters of the Tigris have exited your body.
It’s then you remember, DAMMIT! THE ARTICLE! and you then faff about setting up windows, screens, and the various elements that need to be perfectly aligned for your brain to sink into writing mode. You start to type and suddenly… DAMMIT! “I was up at the house, peed, made a coffee and returned completely oblivious to the fact I should have got dressed”. I did think about it up at the house, but only in the “Oh, I wonder what the price of gold is at the moment?” sense, in the abstract not because I was going to actually buy some gold before being distracted by whatever Jeremy Vine just said. The desire to get dressed is then rudely smothered by a dog-pile of thoughts such as “What? Upstairs?” and “Oh, the ruddy floordrobe,” and “What pile will my favourite trousers be in?” plus the guilt of not putting them in the wash and they kinda need it. Your brain retreats from this overwhelming list of questions, suggestions, queries, insights and thoughts… and oh look, coffee’s ready… Off to the office I merrily go.
As I sit down and flick my dressing gown tails back like a concert pianist, and flex my fingers, poised over the keyboard, and suddenly remember: “BUGGER! Still not dressed!!”
…and around we go again.
Please Note: this is for the simplest of activities: Getting. Dressed.
Sometimes the PDA arises due to not knowing all the elements involved; I need to know the context, ALL the main players and variables in play for any decision to be made. Put simply: you can’t decide because there’s not enough data. Hence the familiar ND refrain when asked anything: “IT DEPENDS!?” To any and all questions. The answer I give you needs to be accurate, and if the mental cursor is spinning faster than a hamster in a death loop, then it’s always going to be “task denied” at the inbox stage.
Time pressure means nothing either. Oh, you can tell me when the deadline is, but that’s of little interest. You may as well tell me what temperature cheese melts at, interesting but of no practical use to me. PDA can show up at the mere act of adding a due date to the diary. “Oh, they want it done by then, do they? Well, I’ll be the judge of that.”
Stu: Flounces off, stage right. End scene.
Except in real life, it’s very much not “end scene.” It’s absolutely “begin next scene: Interior. Daytime. The room is on fire and our protagonist is asleep. Oblivious to the raging inferno next to him.” And that is just for getting dressed. Put a reminder in my diary, you say? YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO NUFFIN’ ROZZER!
It’s also the threat of the demand, the implied hierarchy, especially in a work setting. The “who do you think you are to tell me what to do?” rises in our throats before we have any chance to rationally respond.
PDA is part brick wall and part quagmire of energy. You know you need to do it, but you’re at 5% battery and the apps are all running a little bit laggy. It’s the anxiety of knowing full well that if you miss the deadline, very real and very painful consequences will occur, and yet… There you are at 2pm in the afternoon and you cannot stop doomscrolling articles on the rise of piracy in the Caribbean and the role of the Royal Navy in protecting slavers. Fascinating topic; but not when you have three days’ worth of paid client work and four days until the deadline. At least you think you have four days, certainty requires checking and because your PDA refuses to double-check the email you sent when you agreed to the deadline, you are in a bit of denial about when it actually is due… I’LL CHECK IT WHEN I WANT TO! THANK YOUOOO… (said with a clipped, snippy tone)
So you sail on in a fog of hope and glorious self-imposed ignorance, all the while shame-spiralling due to your lack of executive function. If PDA were one long carnival of joyful goofing off and hilarious hijinks, it would almost be worth it, but Ferris Bueller’s Neurodiverse Day Off it is not. Usually you spend the time avoiding the one thing you KNOW you should be doing, and will enjoy doing when doing it, but you avoid the doing of the thing by doing something completely pointless, less enjoyable and frankly tedious.
The comedian Pierre Novellie talks about this phenomenon in his stand-up; he shares a story of his friend who has to read “Moby Dick” several times before starting an essay*. It’s odd behaviour, but to paraphrase Mr. Novellie’s comedic musing, perhaps it’s the brain’s way of being bored enough to focus? By boring it, the interest in doing something, anything else spikes, and once you finally present the task, the brain goes: “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your neurodiverse ears, swathed in noise-cancelling headphones…”
So what is the answer? There isn’t one. It’s a feature, not a bug, and no amount of top tips will tip the balance in your favour. I’ve given up trying to fight it; I know it’ll run its course. In fact, the more disinterested I am in going 12 rounds with it, the more quickly it is likely to wave the white flag. TKO win for me!
If you have any insights, tips or tricks, we would love to hear them. It’s an endless battle, but the more energy-aware I am about my internal capacity on any given day, the more I can anticipate it. It seems to show up more when I am stressed about something else, especially something requiring resolution but lacking the resources or information to resolve it. That spills into other areas and PDA starts to rule the roost. Until that one big blockage is cleared, nothing gets through.
These days, I try not to put too many self-imposed deadlines on myself, and where possible set deadlines as comfortably as the project allows. Oh, and if someone wants business results in an unreasonable timescale, I say no to the work. You don’t need that kind of pressure and energy suck on top of everything else.
Anyway, have a good week and if you have any questions or insights get in touch: hosts@oddcast.com – don’t forget to listen, like and subscribe and if you can, share with a friend!
* It might be Huckleberry Finn that he reads several times…